people dont really like me, they just like the idea of me.

Parents are upstairs yelling about how much ive fucked up in my life again. Lillys laying next to me and all i can think of is how much i wish she didnt like me. honestly i wish she hated me sometimes. it would make it so simple to end it all. i could finally do something worth while. i’d give my parents the greatest gift; the erasing of the kid they never wanted. It’s gotten to the point it’s all i think about anymore. I used to be able to block the thoughts, but now i dont even try. Im too tired for that shit. Im too tired for any of it. Maybe Lilly will understand in time. Maybe Mamaw will too.

well that hurt.